RaMa Mama Doula Share: Supporting LGBTQ+ Families In & Out of The Birth Experience...

This topic comes up as I watched a lesbian couple, and dear friends, talk about an experience they had at the park with their children this morning. They used IVF to have all three of their kids, and each of their eggs were inseminated by the same donor. Since these children could talk, their mothers have spoken to them about how sacred they are and how they were created in a very special way. They have been told that they were put into their mother as a fertilized egg and they all came out of their mommy's belly. As they get older, they are telling them more and more. Young children have a hard time understanding the process, and they have chosen to take their time to explain this to their children. When a complete stranger was watching them playing with their children on the playground, this father started asking them questions in front of their kids. Among many other questions, he asked, "Were your kids made in a petri dish in a lab? Did you use a donor to have your children, and how does that work?" The mothers were extremely uncomfortable and just stopped and looked at this man in disbelief. Why would he ask these questions in front of the children in such a blunt, rude, and disrespectful way? He may have had questions, but was this the best way to address them? After the man left, the children were asking about the lab, the petri dish, and the difference between them and the other children in the world. It ended up in another long discussion about IVF, and all was well at the end of the day. The point is that there is no need for people to ask personal questions about conception in front of young children, no matter if you are straight, gay, lesbian, trans, or otherwise. Why do we avoid asking these questions against straight families, while feeling emboldened to push the envelope with LGBTQ+ families? Is anyone thinking about how their words will affect the small children that are still trying to understand who they are? This story left my heart heavy and feeling that we can definitely do better as humanity.

On this topic, there is research from a 2020 Health Report by the LGBT in Britain group. It states that 1 in 8 LGBT people experience unequal treatment by healthcare staff because they are who they are. Out of every 7 LGBT people, 1 will avoid getting any health treatments at all because they are afraid of discrimination. Finally, almost 1 in 4 LGBT people have witnessed someone in their community being discriminated by healthcare professionals. These numbers have been going up - not down - as of recently. LGBTQ+ people feel that they are not represented at all by the current health care system. This is a great disservice to humanity. This population has existed since the beginning of time, but has always had to hide in fear due to being "othered", "feared", or feeling "hated" in society for so long. These feelings leave new mothers in the birthing experience feeling completely disempowered. More problems arise in birthing situations where the mother has been powerless, and that is not the direction we need to go for the health and wellbeing of both the baby and the mother.

As a birth doula, the topic of empowerment comes up a lot when it comes to having a positive birthing experience. Mothers need to feel empowered to decide what kind of birth experience they would like to try and create, and they need to have a voice in what is okay for their family. Whether it is a family tradition, a religious ceremony, or a personal value, new mothers experience less postnatal blues when they are empowered to create the framework around their birthing experience. In saying this, LGBTQ+ families are traditionally less empowered to exist, let alone dictate how they wish their birthing experience to manifest. Most have suffered discrimination and hate, and are not fully supported by health care professionals. There is a lack of training in the health field when it comes to this population. This oftentimes causes professionals to avoid working with LGBTQ+ mothers, or have caused a negative attitude when dealing with them. Knowledge is power, and the fact that there is no education or training with LGBTQ+ mothers, puts this population at a higher risk of a negative birthing experiences or even major problems during labor, birth, and delivery.

So how can we support LGBTQ+ families in the birthing experience? First of all, acknowledge them with respect and Love by using the appropriate pronouns, asking questions when we don't understand something, and opening the dialogue to ask how we can serve them for their highest good.

LGBTQ+ families begin with a desire to become parents. Just like any other family, they wish to be recognized by society and hope that their children are treated equally and Lovingly by the world around them. They want respect just like every other family around the world. By acknowledging them and using the correct pronouns, we are saying that we respect them as people and parents and treat them as equals in society. From wait times to quality of care to follow-up on medical care, there should be equal treatment for all mothers, no matter who they are, what they believe, and what they look like. Everyone should feel safe, secure, empowered, recognized, supported, and provided with equal access and treatment when they come to a hospital or doctor's office for healthcare. There is no excuse for anything other than that. It all starts in education, from medical school to midwifery. There needs to be required courses and trainings in order to address all types of birthing mothers for safe, extensive, and quality services. An inclusive health care system is the clear reflection of what society looks like today. We have diversity, and health care should reflect the entire rainbow of diversity. To support the birth of all new souls onto this planet, we need to educate ourselves and stretch our hearts wide open in order to be more Loving, accepting, and kind to ourselves and others.